Establish Healing Goals While Grieving Using This Guide

Navigating grief is an intensely personal journey, and while it poses significant emotional challenges, it also presents an opportunity to rebuild and find new pathways to personal fulfillment. In this article, courtesy of Your Guide In Death, we’ll go over several things to consider as you attempt to find a new normal. The following strategies are designed to guide you through setting constructive, health-oriented goals amidst your grieving process, helping to stabilize your routine and ultimately, foster healing.

Establish Routine for Stability

Creating a stable daily routine is essential when coping with loss. Structure brings a sense of order to the unpredictable waves of grief, offering moments of predictability that can be soothing. Incorporating simple, routine tasks like morning walks or nightly reading can significantly anchor your days, helping you to manage overwhelming feelings more effectively. Consistency in your daily activities can also improve your sleep patterns and overall mental health, providing a solid foundation as you navigate through your grief.

Enhance Your Career through Education

Grief can profoundly remind you of life’s fragility, sparking a desire to realign with your personal and professional goals. Advancing your education is a powerful way to pivot towards a career that is more fulfilling and meaningful. If your focus is on online FNP programs, this path offers significant opportunities to contribute to community health and well-being. Online education through an accredited institution, in particular, provides the flexibility needed to balance studies with other life responsibilities, allowing you to pursue a degree that aligns with your aspirations.

Limit Digital Overload

Taking intentional breaks from social media and the constant barrage of news can dramatically reduce your stress levels. Digital platforms often heighten emotions through relentless exposure to stressful information and can make it difficult to focus on healing. By setting boundaries with your digital devices, you allow yourself space to process your grief without external pressures, helping to maintain mental clarity and emotional resilience during this tough time.

Choose Healthy Coping Mechanisms

It’s vital to avoid turning to drugs or alcohol as a means to cope with grief. These substances might seem to offer a reprieve from pain, but they complicate the healing process and can lead to additional physical and emotional health problems. Opting for healthier coping mechanisms, such as exercise, meditation, or speaking with a counselor, can provide genuine relief and support your long-term wellbeing.

Plan Future Engagements

Organizing future activities or outings gives you something positive to look forward to. This can be incredibly uplifting during periods of grief. Whether planning a small social gathering or a solo trip, these events can light up your calendar with moments of joy and anticipation, providing milestones that mark your progress on the path to recovery.

Connect with the Natural World

Spending time in nature is a soothing balm for the soul, especially when grieving. The natural world offers a unique sense of peace and perspective, away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Whether it’s a quiet stroll in a local park or a more vigorous hike through the wilderness, connecting with nature can facilitate emotional release and provide a nurturing environment for reflection and healing.

Embrace Forgiveness

Forgiving yourself and others is vital to your healing process. Clinging to guilt or regrets can prolong pain and hinder progress. Practicing forgiveness helps you shed these burdens and embrace the present, fostering a healthier emotional state that supports recovery from grief. This act of letting go not only alleviates emotional stress but also clears a path for personal growth and renewed connections with others.

While grief can disrupt your life, it also offers the chance to reset and refocus on what truly matters. By adopting these strategies, you establish a supportive framework for your journey through grief, leading to personal growth and a renewed sense of purpose. Embrace these steps with patience and compassion towards yourself, and gradually, you will find your way back to a life marked by resilience and hope.

Your Guide In Death provides a variety of services, including respite care and grief coaching, to help in times of loss or pre-grief. Get in touch today to talk about your needs.

Preparing Pets for Assisted Living

When you're considering a move to an assisted living community and you have a beloved pet, finding a place that welcomes both you and your furry friend is paramount. Pets offer immeasurable comfort and companionship, especially in the golden years. However, not all assisted living communities are created equal when it comes to accommodating pets. This guide, brought to you by Calysta at Your Guide in Death, will help you navigate the process of finding the perfect pet-friendly assisted living community that caters to your needs

The Benefits of Pet Ownership

You understand the joy and comfort that a pet brings into your life. In an assisted living setting, this companionship becomes even more crucial. Pets have a proven ability to reduce stress, encourage physical activity, and provide emotional support. The presence of your pet in your new home can significantly enhance your quality of life, offering a sense of continuity and unconditional love.

Help Manage Pet Stress

Taking care of yourself and managing your stress effectively are crucial for providing your pet with the best life possible, as pets often pick up on their owners' emotional states and can become stressed themselves as a result. Human stress can negatively affect pets by leading to behavioral issues, such as excessive urination, frequent biting or scratching, and changes in eating and drinking habits, which are common signs of stress in animals. To limit both your stress and that of your pet, engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a routine, and spending quality time together can be effective strategies, ensuring a healthy environment for both of you.

Keeping Up with Health Standards

Keeping your pet's vaccinations current is a critical aspect of pet ownership, especially when moving into an assisted living community. Having the necessary documentation at hand proves compliance with the health and safety standards of the facility. Additionally, it safeguards the well-being of your pet, yourself, and the wider community residing in the facility.

Sell Your Home

Figuring out how to pay for assisted living can be a complex process, with one viable option being to sell your home. Before listing your property, it's crucial to prepare it for the market by making necessary updates and repairs; for instance, addressing issues like leaking pipes and cracked windows is essential, as such problems can significantly deter potential buyers. Taking these steps ensures your home is presented in the best possible light, potentially maximizing the sale price to support the costs of assisted living.

Navigating Size and Breed Restrictions

When selecting an assisted living community, it's important to pay close attention to their pet size restrictions. Ascertain that your pet comfortably fits within these limits to prevent any future complications or disappointments. This foresight ensures a smoother transition for your pet and avoids the potential need to make difficult decisions if your pet exceeds these size guidelines.

Professional Pet Care Assistance

Considering the unique needs of your pet, professional pet care might be necessary to complement your care efforts. Hiring skilled dog walkers or groomers can greatly benefit your pet's well-being, especially in a new environment like an assisted living community. These professionals not only help maintain your pet’s regular routine and health but also offer you the reassurance that your pet is receiving the best possible care.

Making Your Pet Feel at Home

Your pet’s comfort in this new environment is as important as your own. Investing in products like a dog ramp can greatly aid your pet in navigating furniture safely. Opt for a ramp that is sturdy, made of wood or metal, and ensures good traction. Such considerations not only make your pet's life easier but also prevent potential injuries, making your shared space a haven of comfort and safety.

Finding the perfect assisted living community that accommodates both you and your pet may take some time. By focusing on the specific needs and well-being of your pet, as well as the policies and amenities of the communities, you can ensure a comfortable and fulfilling living experience for both of you. The goal is to find a place where the bond you share with your pet can continue to flourish, bringing joy and comfort to your everyday life.

When a child is born, the common sentiment is that it takes a village to raise a child. The same could be said for the dying, and in the times before us, that was indeed the case. The small communities of people would help raise a child and help the dying. Our society has gone away from this objective, trading for staunch individualism. In terms of birth, there is some help; for all want to take part in new life and new beginnings, but for a death phobic culture, it is ignored and not talked about. For those taking care of the dying, they are mostly alone, people feel if they pretend death is not real or coming then it will never come, which is a fallacy. This is why the caretakers of the dying feel so alone and are expected to soldier on with barely any help. This is where death doulas along with hospice come in, instead of shying away from death they dive deep into the grief and uncertainty, reaching out a helping hand to those that are abandoned; hoping to take away the uncertainty and emotionally help those who are around the dying. Caretakers should not feel embarrassed or ashamed for needing help, for it was once expected of the community to step in, it takes a village.

Some intentions of a doula and certainly some of my intentions are to provide calm in an uncertain and stressful environment. To provide companionship and validate everyone’s emotions. There are no “right” ways to grieve for those facing their death and for those that are supporting them. I am here to reassure and guide all and be a solid pillar in waves of unsureness, fear, anger, grief, guilt, and acceptance.

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It's often witnessed that the dying see people that aren’t actually there; frequently family members or friends that have already died. To me, this is such a comforting idea, that our loved ones will help us cross over to the other side of life. The idea of the living family letting their loved ones go to their other family. This "other" family is no better or worse than the living family just a different one. Knowing that I will have the same opportunity one day brings me peace.

Generally, Western society regards death as a failure of medicine and a failure of the person to "fight" to live. Our bodies are programmed to die no matter what medicine is given or how much we fight to stay alive, death will still happen. I believe that the more we acknowledge our own inevitable path and accept the beauty of it the more peace we will have now and at the end of our lives.

I also offer pet death doula services. This can include being with you and your pet during the dying process whether it is at home or at the veterinarian through euthanasia. I also would help the family plan a legacy project and help with children understanding this death. Some may not understand why one can grieve so hard for a pet but studies show that that grief for a pet can be equivalent or even more so than a distant family member or friend. I understand how important pets can be for the family and will help support the family in this time.

Pain medication at the end of life. There is a misconception that the morphine that is injected into the dying is quickening their death. This is not true. One important fact to remember: dying is not painful, it is a disease that causes pain. Pain mediation only helps the dying not experience pain, yes it can put them in a stupor but this is better, in my opinion, than dying in pain. It is also essential to stay ahead of the pain it is much harder to bring down pain levels after the pain has hit higher limits. The main point here is that pain medication does not expedite death and trust that hospice workers and doctors will do what is best for the dying by keeping them pain-free in their final moments.

Imagine there is a butterfly that is trapped in your house knocking into various objects trying to escape outside. So you try to help the butterfly by capturing it and releasing it outside however in the process you accidentally tear one of the wings off. Now that butterfly is injured and the more you try to help it the more you inadvertently injure it further.

When those approaching the end of their lives do not have DNRs and other wishes in place; healthcare providers are required to keep the patient alive no matter what, even if they are only further injuring them to keep them alive. It can be challenging for family members to witness CPR on a person, it is violent to look at and often ribs are broken and can be distressing to see.

This is why it is so important to have these conversations with your family in order to establish what medical interventions are wanted including DNRS, feeding tubes, etc, and your family or appointed advocate must make sure these wishes are followed. Whether your choice is to prolong your life by any means possible or to let your body die in due course without intervention, it is important your choice is heard and legally noted, you can always change your mind later.

-(butterfly analogy inspired by, Lee Trew)

Overall, in western culture, we as people anesthetize any emotional pain when you’re in an end-of-life situation. It’s important to drop as many masks as possible and to be with your feelings whatever they may be including anger, jealousy, pain, hope, love, or antipathy, whatever you may feel, feel it.

Facing and discussing your fears and other feelings can lessen their power over you putting them in the open can prevent ingrained fears from controlling your decisions at the end of life this can lead to peace.

Be honest about death to children. It is more harmful in the long run if their family or friends just disappear with no explanation, children often have a better relationship with death than the adults in their life. Bringing children or grandchildren into seeing the dying bring comfort to the dying and understanding and peace to children.

If you choose to die at home you will have to have a primary caregiver, commonly a family member or friend. This is an especially taxing time for that caregiver in all ways. I can help relieve some of that work including the day-to-day functions of the household and emotional reprieve. The sights and sounds can be frightening for the caregiver which could lead to their personal beliefs overtaking the dying's wishes and interfering with care. I can help keep the peace and ensure the wishes of the dying are honored as well as reassure the caregiver of the normalcy of the dying process.

You may feel uncomfortable being dependent on someone at the end of life or believe that you are a burden on the caregivers. However, it is something you do for the caregiver by letting them show their care and support. You can still give while being dependent.

The problem with calling dying of various diseases a “battle” or a “fight”. For simplicity, I will use cancer as the disease but this applies to other “battles with the disease.” While “fighting” sounds courageous, when people succumb to cancer they are viewed as not strong enough or that they just gave up, which is grossly unfair to all who are dying from cancer. Not all diseases will respond to treatment the same way in every person. With a disease like cancer, it is different for every person and doesn’t fight fair. Instead focus on what “winning” looks like for you. A battle can either be striving for comfort and spending quality time with those most important to you or battling cancer with every therapy and medication available despite any discomfort or less lucid moments to spend with loved ones. A different term that many patients prefer is living with cancer. The most important takeaway is that the person with the disease is given agency to fight however they want to without outside pressure and recognizing that your idea of a "battle" or "fight" might not look the same to everyone.

Reasons why people may deny pain medication at end of life. Some believe it’s a burden or that it’s self-indulgent and that others have it worse. Help them believe that there is no competition in terms of pain. their pain is just as real as others' pain. Reassure that pain can always be managed with an open and honest conversation with the doctor and that adjustments can be made for even the most painful diseases. Pain at the end of life will not absolve you of “sins” nor is it a punishment for life choices. Whatever decisions of the past, pain is not a punishment for your dying process. A good death is without pain so that your focus can be on the important things at the end of life such as spending quality time with your family and friends.

Pets often die similarly to humans, with the refusal of food and more time sleeping. I encourage you to be with the pets during their dying process and provide their favorite kind of comfort. Do not force them to have treats but you can offer them and they will make a decision ( keep in mind choking is a hazard for humans and pets at the end of life).

One common question is how we support those who have lost someone and are grieving. There is no exact answer but these are some tips.

*Don’t avoid just because you don’t know what to say, its ok to ask for stories about the dead or just to sit in silence

*It is encouraged to say their name; to acknowledge the death and that their presence is still here even if their bodies are not

* The grieving just want to be heard, even in their silence

*Offer help by providing a list of things you can do/ hire someone to do so all they have to say is yes or no.

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